i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
