so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
