Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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