Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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