theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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