you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
