Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
