Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And then my night got REAL pukey
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
