Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
