oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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