I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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