we're blogging at a bar
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
