Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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