I haven't been this sober since birth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
