Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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