Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize