Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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