I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just had sex on a roof
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
