It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
