one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
