; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
