Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
