oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize