Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
