Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize