Don't make out with my wife yet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
