Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
