time to smoke my breakfast
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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