why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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