Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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