Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
