He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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