Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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