Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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