garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Who died my cat blue again?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
