I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
