he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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