if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
smell my finger.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
