I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
