May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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