Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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