i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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