I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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