I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
