Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my shit smells like andre
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize