Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
