Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
