I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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