you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
