he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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