I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
