your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
