AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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