i just had sex bonerless
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
