Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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