Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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