Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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