I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
