Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
