hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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