I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
