i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
