Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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