textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
