this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
