Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
