my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
