it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
