I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
