Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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