There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
