I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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