**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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