I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
