Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
