She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize