I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
