I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
