Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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