I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
